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Forever Not 21

Can't believe it has been a year since my last birthday. As what I said last year, I was not that kind of birthday person. Well turns out, I am still not getting over it LOL. I really don't get it guys, the night before my birthday I went to bed with a super sad feeling that the next day would be my birthday (strange much?) and at the morning I woke up crying, not a happy cry but because something really bad just happened in my house. I was thinking like why God why? I've been really not happy and there was a new bad thing happened.

The problem hasn't really been solved yet but I believed it soon will. About my strange "resentment" to birthdays, I felt like birthday had given me this kind of "burden" inside me. I kept thinking like "Hey, you're now 22. What have you done?" and then I was like damn, what's next? Is that even normal?

I was assuming that I expected too much from myself. I thought at this age, I should have done better this and better that. A friend very nicely and patiently listened to me (thank you prennn) and she told me that it was probably because of the transitions that have been happening in my life lately. Beside, I was in my early-20's, which made that even more normal. (I still kind of wonder though, is it really normal? LOL).

Back on my earlier birthdays, my younger self (I speak like an old woman LOL) cared so much about what people would have given to me, but now I was more to think about what I could have given to those around me. Have I brought any goodness to them? So to the next years ahead, I'll try my best to be a better one for the ones around me, to love them more and be a blessing to more people. 

But all of those did not make me any less grateful for having so many amazing caring and loving friends and family. I know I am super blessed because of you guys. Thank you so much and I love you guys all with all my heart, even though I may not be really good in expressing it. I am really thanking the Lord for the presence of you all :')

Now that the day was over, I am back to one happy (and lazy) kid :)) I wake up just like the other 364 days, with not too much pressure. I am hoping that the next year I'll cut off more of the negativity on my birthday (I felt like saying that last year LOLOL). Well, we'll see yahh :))

PS. Jane made me this, isn't she the sweetest? Thank you, dear 

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