A Quarter


When I was younger I used to think that 25 will be the age where I am already steady with my career, owning my own house or maybe a car I always wanted, and probably getting married. But guess what, none of them has really come true. 

At the age of 25, I am still struggling. Still fighting to live my life better, still trying to find a way to grow myself even more, but one thing that I always know for sure.. I am happy

Having goals or things to achieve in life, making plans and trying to make them happen, sometimes failing and feeling like giving up, that joy when you achieve something you want; all those experiences that have accompany me along this walk of life really do remind me that I am indeed a one blessed soul. 

I am thankful that at this age I no longer see things the way I did. I am glad that God has reminded me that all things that matter the most in life are not those things. It's not about a job that make you tons of money, nor a big house or that fancy car, it's about something else.

There's this thing that has come to my mind lately, something about happiness. Some people say that we got to aim for our own happiness, that sometimes it's okay to be selfish as long as you're happy. But what I learned so far, I know I won't be happy if my happiness ruins my loved ones'. I am happy when they are, when I can see smiles on their faces, I know I will be happy for them too. 

One time I was reminded that Lord Jesus himself has never even once lived for himself. He has dedicated all his life serving people, starting right from the day he was born until the day he has died at the cross. What a dedication, really. 

Now, after all that I've been receiving, for all those blessings I have even lost count to, I really feel like I wanted to give back. I wanted to invest, I wanted to contribute, in others' life. I wanted to know that what I do actually make other people's life better, if that even makes sense.  I am not yet to be too sure about what I have to do but I know that there will be ways God can use my life as his tool, to show people about love and share them THE joy. I know it might not always be an easy road, but yeah we'll see. 

25 used to scare me quite much, but thankfully it is actually not as terrifying as I thought it would be. I am honestly really, really happy with what I am doing now. This is finally the time when I am no longer on diet (yeah, you heard it right!), when the numbers of followers I have on Instagram doesn't even bother me anymore like it used to, when I'm no longer constantly seeking for a getaway to escape life's mess and living according to people's expectation doesn't exist anymore in my to-do-list, because I know at the end, those are not the things that count, if you know what I mean. 

I know my life is nowhere near perfect, but I am relieved to know that it doesn't need to be and will never need to. I realized that we don't need life to be perfect to show people that God's love is real in each of us and even through imperfections in life it can be a great opportunity for us to show how God really could work his magical way in our lives :)

Wow wow that was some really serious talk going on right there, wasn't it? I didn't plan for it to turn that serious though. But well that is what came to my mind when I decided to write this post, it just went that way. Please bear with me, kay?

Now let's talk about something more fun, like what I did on the day I am officially a quarter century old. I woke up feeling pretty excited though I have told myself not to be too thrilled. It was a pretty beautiful sunny morning and I was thankful for it. One of the first things I did was checking the mirror if by any chance there'd be any changes on my face when I turned 25. Apparently nothing had really changed, except that I earned myself two new acne spots on my face (wait.. what?).

It felt really good to received so many warm messages and blessings from those loved ones. My colleagues prepared a warm birthday celebration for me with a cake and a box of delicious martabak. I am grateful to receive so much love from them.

What I wasn't expecting is that my housemate and two other good girl friends welcomed me home with the sweetest surprise. I was so touched I didn't know how to react. Those things have definitely made me feel so happy and thankful. I really had no idea what I had done well to have me deserve all these good treatments, at some points I really felt like I didn't deserve them T____T

But at the end of the day, all I wanted to say is that I am happy, even more thankful. Thank you to everyone who has made my day a lot brighter than the usual days, thank you for always reminding me that I am always blessed and thank you for letting me sleep with a huge smile on my face :)

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